Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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