I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
