I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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