Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
