Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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