I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
