Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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