I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
