She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
