Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
