If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
