this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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