bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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