dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
