I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
