My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
