M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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