So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
