im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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