So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
