just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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