What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
