jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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