this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
