She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
