2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
