my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Randomize
