im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i dont even know how to be here
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
