he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
