If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She said her name was "party"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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