Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
