I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
