there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
