How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
