You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think my fart just growled at me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
