Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
