can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
