great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
