do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
