She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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