Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
