I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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