I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
