maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my sisters under your porch take her home
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
