So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
