she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
