If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
