i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
