i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
