If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
