he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
