Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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